Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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