Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
last night I used snow as a chaser
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
