they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
