Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
