so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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