i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
