what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
