I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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