She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
