there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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