I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
