sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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