Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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