No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
