Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
