just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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