Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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