He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
