I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
