this beer tastes like vomit already
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
