why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just come out here and I will go home with you...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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