i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
