very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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