I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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