so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
