went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
