Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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