Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
