You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
