I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
