i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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