Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ketchup is God's man juice
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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