i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
