i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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