Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i barfeds in our rink
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
