i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
