I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
