He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
