Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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