I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
