she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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