I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
