and you said cock pushups were impossible
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
