I need to stop coming to work sober
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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