I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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