i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
