when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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