If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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