Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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