we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
