just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
