my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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