i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
