my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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