Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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