oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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