oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
MIDGETS
????
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
