There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
