The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
