Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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