well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
