BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
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