I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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