Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
