hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
