She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
