I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
