Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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