Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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