i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
