Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
