based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
