I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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