last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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