Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
