My room smells like vodka and shame
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
