he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize