I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
