I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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