mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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