Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
