Your face is a jimmy john
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
