Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
