so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
