At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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